I know this topic allll too well. It’s something I’ve been through and conquered. But, I’ve noticed a lot of people near me are going through this right now and it’s just been on my heart lately to share my story to hopefully help other people who are going through this.
I know, it’s hard. You feel like everything is crumbling down and there is nothing that can make you whole again. You feel like you’re alone because everyone else’s lives are still going but you feel like yours is at a stand still. You feel sick to your core and you can’t stomach any food. You can’t hear their name without feeling like you might throw up or instantly start crying. You feel like you’re doing okay, you feel more like yourself again, and then you see something about them on social media and you are back where you started. I get it. I do.
So, for a little back story, without getting too descriptive in respect for the other party, we dated for around 4 years. Before this we were pretty good friends for about a year so you can say he was a huge part of my life. It was throughout most of my high school career which is awful already so adding heartbreak really was the cherry on top. But anyway, when it happened you could say I was BROKEN. I cried for days, I lost around 30 pounds, and I just couldn’t do life for awhile. It was so awful. You literally couldn’t pay me a million dollars to go back to that time in my life. BUT I am so glad it happened. It taught me so much about myself, my friends, and family.
Okay so now onto the stuff you’re really here for, the how to get over it part. One thing I want to say first off before saying anything else is, it takes time. I know you hear that all the time and it’s so annoying because while it’s happening all you want is to feel better right away. But, unfortunately that’s not how it goes. Just give your heart the time that it needs, it’ll thank you later. But besides that point, here is the other tips I have.
#1: Love your friends.
This one is so damn important. While you’re in a relationship you tend to neglect some friendships just because you don’t have a ton of time to spend it with multiple people. Now, you have more time. You need to fill it with people you love and who love you. If you leave that time you would have normally spend with your significant other to be alone, you’re going to find yourself not getting better. You’re leaving way too much room to THINK and that is not at all what you want. Plus, feeling love from people you love makes everything feel better. But, also, spend more of your time being a better friend. Listen more, give more, be present more, gift more, anything you can do to be better, do it.
#2: Find more things that make you happy.
When you’re going through something that’s so heartbreaking and awful, you need to find things that make that go away little by little. If you can find a hobby or activity that makes you forget about it for a little while, do it and do it often. Don’t be afraid to try new things even if you’re afraid to look foolish. Some of the most fun things I’ve found were the things I didn’t even know I would like.
#3: delete. Delete. DELETE.
People say that if you delete your ex on social media platforms it’s because you’re immature but I say you’re smart. If I saw stuff of his or his name popped up I would immediately be back where I was and that’s not fair to me and my grieving process. Why would I want to put myself through that? Why would I want to torture myself over and over again? I don’t so I didn’t. This also means don’t search for things and don’t analyze every move of theirs on social media. Don’t see what pictures they are liking, who they are interacting with, and what they’re doing. Again, you will only hurt yourself. Do this tip ESPECIALLY if your ex has started dating someone else.
#4: Get rid of triggers.
There is nothing worse than doing better after a breakup and you find a picture, a movie ticket, or a gift and everything starts crumbling again. Again, you’re back where you started or you’ve taken a couple steps back. So, even if you want to keep them for later that’s fine but put them in a box and put them somewhere a little harder for you to get ahold of in short time or even better have someone hide it for you.
#5: Don’t fall into talking ill about your ex & their current partner.
This can be really tempting, especially if others around you are doing it because they think it might make you feel better. But, trust me, it only makes your heart bitter and ugly. It only makes you feel worse. There’s nothing better than to be able to say you kept your head high and stayed respectful. Keep your reputation clean and it will all work out. I promise!
#6: Give yourself time & don’t run straight into another relationship.
Some people think that being alone is scary but to tell you the truth it will make you the strongest person you can ever be. You will learn to love yourself before anyone else can which is so important. You learn what things you like and what things you don’t. You begin to become confident in yourself and your abilities. It makes you able to get into a different relationship later on and be strong enough to stand up for yourself and to be able to communicate effectively the things you want and need in order to feel loved.
You might think this one is silly and it might be to some but I found it to be very therapeutic. After the breakup you will find yourself wanting to say SO many things but you know better than to do so. So, instead, write it all out and keep it to your own eyes. It helps you get all of your feelings out and really understand how you’re feeling. It helps you identify what things are still hurting you and what things you may be at peace with.
#8: Feel the pain & embrace it.
So many people are going to tell you, “Don’t cry over them”, “They aren’t worth your tears”, or “Don’t let them hurt you any more than they already have”. They are right but also pretty wrong. You should let yourself feel. Feel everything and react how you best see fit. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to just sit alone and watch tv, grab the popcorn. I am saying feel it all but make sure you don’t let this stage last too long, you also need to move on and staying in the really emotional stage won’t let you do so.
I really hope these tips help your hard time become a little easier. I truly understand the pain you’re going through and only wish I could take it away for you but I promise it will be okay. You will be okay. You will become stronger. You will become more confident. You will find someone else. You will be okay.
If you need anyone at all to talk to PLEASE dm, text, or snap me. I would be more than happy to listen or give advice. I know it feels like nobody understands sometimes but they do and I do. I’ve got your back!